Holidays are going to end..

Left around 5 days for me to stay at home enjoying my holidays..
Although there is less than 1 week for my school reopen,
but I still havent hear any news regarding the "car"
for me to drive up to utp, from my dad..
Quite disappointed because till now STILL can't get a car,
although i scored for last SEM.
What u i mean here is not that " I should get a car if i scored good results"
N my parents never promised me that..
Not like Ryan's parents.
The thing that disappointed me is I was waiting since last year.
Patiently.. but still get nothing.
Sometimes i was thinking,
am I suppose to give up about the "car" thingy??
OR should keep looking forward??
OR maybe can get myself a bike instead of demanding a car
which maybe will burden myself in terms of daily expenses.
Maybe because of my girl is studying at Kampar
it is more convenient if i got my own transport.
I can visit her whenever I want..
perhaps this is one of the factor that keep me thinking of having a vehicle.
If not, I think i'll won't be so desperate for a car..
Never mind, life still goes on no matter I have a car or not.
Maybe I won't take it so seriously if my parents saying that they are buying a car for me or whatever..
and i won't feel that disappointed when there is no such thing in future.
haha.. just to speak out my feelings.
nothing much..

Bores driving me crazy..
Good day..

.. Understanding ..

I am bothered by something that
I'm unwilling to tell, I'm scared to tell..
Bcz this might lead to someone's unhappiness
and also guiltiness..
So, i prefer to suffer in silence.
Dont laugh, I'm serious..

I know that it will be some inconveniences,
but I dont really think so..
I'm not going to do something wrong or bad
but just to keep someone accompany
since I'm totally free now.
Bcz I know well about that feeling
the feel of loneliness and pressure,
especially during exam seasons.
I've gone through that,
that's why I know..
It is tough and hard for us to struggle
without anyone by your side,
giving supports and aids.
Somehow she is just a girl..
I even broke down bcz of stress.
What will it be to a girl
who is weaker than me...

I dont like to argue,
specifically with the one I respect all the time..
That's the reason why i kept quiet before starts quarreling.
I do not wish to talk more seems that
everyone have their own thoughts..
Different kinds of thinking lead to different decision making.
Maybe my action looks disobeying to advices
but that's the thing I wish to do.
I didn't have any bad intention..
So, why I got negative type of reaction..
Am I really doing the wrong thing..?
I don't know and not sure about that..
If they think I'm wrong,
I apologize and seek for forgiveness.
I did not mean to hurt someone.
But there is no other alternatives
to make this situation to become a
"win - win" situation.
Bcz the world is full of realistic and cruelty.
I seriously don't know how to express well about myself.
This is my personality by not saying out my feelings
although I'm suffering..

Am I a good boy of yours..?
I don't know..
I tried to do the best that i can do for you,
but there is always insufficient.
Bcz nothing is perfect,
including myself..
Maybe I can be a wise person in some other day
but I'm still lack with something else.
I sincerely seek for forgiveness upon
everything that I've done wrong..
But i wish that sometimes you will
try to understand what I'm pursuing,
what I'm looking for
and..
what I wish to do,
what I'm not willing to do..

No matter what,
I'm keep trying to be a better person..
Believe it or not, is up to you.


Good day.